About

Hello, so you want to know about the humanoid behind this impressive display of rambling tangents and whimsy?

Well, I’m human, from planet Earth, that little blue dot. I’ve spent over 1/4 of a century (but less than 1/2) wandering about causing mayhem, mainly in the United Kingdom (I might not update this page regularly, so at the point of writing, we’re still united).

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. I played like a child; on a range of cutting edge home computers such as Spectrum, Amiga, PCs (and absolutely no consoles. Honest dad, I never played Mortal Kombat).

When I became a man, I kept my childish ways and built my own computers. Lacerating my hands on the razorblades we used as computer cases I built a computer (486 sx-25, 8MB, 210HHD, with a turbo button). And played games. Lots of games. That 486sx25 is like Trigger’s broom, I still have this computer today. It’s just…a little different.

In that phase between childhood and manhood (which we shall call teenhood, or maybe BoyzInTheHood), I decided I didn’t want a job and went to University instead. After 4 years they gave me a piece of paper, told me to go away and I’ve not been invited back.

Alone, with a piece of paper that said I knew about computers and my 486sx25 under my arm, I finally got a job. A job with not a computer in sight, apart from my trusty 486sx25. After 4 years ‘studying (and playing games), I was doing manual labour. Things had to change.

As the days grew short and then long again, I left the familiar surroundings and headed off to the city. Someone had decided to let me play on their computers. I spent a few years writing software and at some point, the logic of which entirely escapes me, but essentially I knew how to setup a LAN party, therefore I could setup a small business network, I moved into IT Infrastructure. My code was saved (hopefully deleted by now) my IDE shutdown and I opened up a new application called…. vCenter. It was this expensive (for my budget at the time) piece of software from some someone called VMware, that I could make my 2 HP DL380’s look like more servers by virtualizing[sic] them….

…show us a passage of time

We’re going to need a montage

ooh it takes a montage

Team America: World Police, Trey Parker

I did computer stuff, lots of computer stuff. Dirty contractor computer stuff. Computers everywhere. All virtual, all the time. What a time to be alive, with my 486sx25.

And at some point I answered the phone to a call from a large American company called VMware.

The montage fades.

Yes; I currently work for VMware, with my 486sx25.

Disclaimer

Nothing, absolutely nothing, that I write here, (or say, hum, sing, shout, or make weird noises about) reflects VMware’s official (or unofficial) position. This is my little place. A safe place. A happy place.

At VMware I mainly work with the operational tools across a diverse group of markets and customers.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

C-Beams Speech, Blade Runner, Ridley Scott?

This blog will collect the varied bits and bobs that I do with these technologies. Hopefully it will be interesting, informative. At the very least it gives my 486sx25 something to do.